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Bachelor in Paradise Recap Season 5, Episode 1

Have you ever come home from a night of partying and not drinking water and opened your fridge to see what you had to Wht Paradise need blk dick You are PParadise there while your concealer is creasing and your eyeliner smudges on your face with your entire head inside the refrigerator.

You see your two snacks: You think to yourself: I might as well eat this entire cheesecake and go to bed in my makeup because nothing matters. Everything is garbage.

Eating an entire cheesecake while standing up in the kitchen at 2 a. Why are we focusing on Tia and Colton when Kenny and Eric are right there? Host Chris introduces us to a montage of all meed Bachelor in Paradise success stories. There are officially more Bachelor in Paradise success stories than The Bachelor Wht Paradise need blk dick stories.

Other intros that are equally delightful and confusing: Astrid holding melons over her boobs and Wills fishing while on a colorful pool float.

Host Chris is raking the sand waiting for all the contesticles and ladytestants to arrive.

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Do we remember last season? Do we remember we had to take some time off?

That we all had to go home and think about what we did? Do we really want to promise a season more dramatic than that? So who is going to be in Paradise?

First up is Kendall. Put the Bachelor belt on him. I wonder how Kevin is going to feel about that.

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He says it like someone who looked up if he could marry his mother … recently. Beware of David. Wills has the most delightful video package, in which he models some nred shirts with intense patterns.

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Tia is the first to arrive in Paradise and Eric follows behind. She says the bumpy road to the resort is the most attention her uterus has received in months.

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Does she knows where … where … the sex happens? Then Grocery Store Joe shows up. Damn, the bar is so low for white men. You just have to have all your teeth and a fun accent. The ladies immediately fall over themselves to impress him.

He immediately bonds 22193 dating game monday nightlets go Kendall over the best place to have a picnic. Kendall says the best place is a cemetery. Tia is sitting there biting her nails waiting for Colton to arrive and he never does. The ladies get to hand out the roses this week and Tia gets the first date card to make her want to walk into Wht Paradise need blk dick ocean with rocks in her cutoffs.

She has to pick someone Wht Paradise need blk dick go on a date with and none of the boys are Colton! They go to dinner and watch some fireworks and talk about Colton and make out.

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The next morning, Tia and Chris are smooching by the pool. Her fair Colton comes to fetch her and tells her that he wishes to take her out on a date. Tia immediately abandons any moral stand she was willing to take and heads out on a yacht with Colton.

On their date, they basically agree to exist around each Wht Paradise need blk dick and remind each other why they have crushes on each other.

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They smooch on a Jet Ski. This is going to end terribly. What else is going to end terribly?

The Goose Gang appears to be Jordan, Chris, and David and they are going to confront Colton for his manipulative ways for not approaching Tia the second he arrived in Paradise. Tia and Colton come back from their date and The Goose Gang are ready to fly.

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Bachelor in Paradise Week 1: Season Premiere. Season 5 Episode 1. Most Viewed Stories. Promoted links by Taboola. More Stories.